http://www.wired.com/2015/08/check-loved-one-exposed-ashley-madison-hack/
Are you confident your husband didn't have an account? I am. But I'm not smug about it because I'm well aware that a lot of good men did, and they didn't have an affair. Quite apart from the fact that the site was a huge scam anyway, many were probably just fantasizing. And really, the biggest issue there is that they spent money on it. I hope no kids suffered as a result.
The interesting part of all this for me is twofold.
1. You fools. Nothing you do online is private. How many damn times do you have to be told?
2. You fucking hypocrites. How many of you have damned other people for immorality?
Social media has rightly pointed this out:
And then of course there's Josh Duggar, but in both cases, this is nothing new.
The world is full of people in glass houses throwing stones.
I hate it, I've always hated it, and I will call them on it every chance I get.
Still. That's people for you. Maybe we expect too much.
I think the problem is that even our modern, open-minded society, we still think in polar terms of good and bad. People are far more complex than that. That's exactly why butter-wouldn't-melt-in-my-mouth morality doesn't work, and why its promoters usually end up with egg on their faces (I just described my breakfast in two metaphors there).
Maybe if people accepted the reality of human nature and stopped trying to pretend, we'd actually behave better in the long run.
I shall speak from personal experience because I can. I think, after 35 years of marriage I've got the hang of it. I can't speak for all relationships, but I know mine well enough. You can love somebody wholly and still LOOK at others. As they said, married, not dead.
You can have a nice house and still appreciate others, and the same applies to vehicles, gardens, whatever. It's not coveting, it's not wrong. There are beautiful things out there.
And on the subject of SEX, it's all about sex, and it's not about sex.
It's all about sex because, pay attention men, if your sex life isn't as good as you'd like it to be, then you're not doing it right. It's really not that difficult, after all.
And it's not about sex, because if that's what your marriage is based on, then you might as well call it a day now.
And you know all this, so I won't waste my time explaining it further.
Do not repress your sexual urges. Find an appropriate outlet for them. Seek therapy if necessary. Above all, use your brain. I don't believe the theory that you only have enough blood to work one organ at a time.
Honestly I expect that there was a lot of Fantasy going on. It's not uncommon for people, especially men to pay for porn sites and such that really trip their trigger. I expect that the vast majority of the "cheating" was emotional. They found someone online who stroked their ego in ways their wives or husbands did while they were dating. Hell I did things like that on BBSs during my first marriage. I felt like a disliked object in my marriage and so I would talk to men who made me feel beautiful and desirable, who expressed interest in who I was, how I felt and what I thought. I never went out to meet them or have a physical affair but I was getting my emotional needs met outside of my marriage. I didn't know that a husband was supposed to do those things, I'd never seen it among the married people I had been raised around. I don't think my first husband knew those things either.
ReplyDeleteI'v come to believe that sex is overrated. Important, yes, but in a world where breeding isn't the only purpose of living, it is overrated. Unfortunately, biologically, we evolved to a world where the only purpose of existence was to pass on our genes as fast as we could before we left it. I am neither a virgin nor a parent, so all the sex I've ever had is recreational; and there are other ways to keep oneself occupied.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate both references from you and Bill that there is more to life than sex, and basing a relationship upon it leaves others shortchanged in the long run. Maybe that is the true downside to this whole 'getting caught with your pants down' mentality we have...that ultimately we "discover" just how vulnerable we really are, and that the whole porn scene can be such an awful waste of time.
ReplyDeleteSigh...back to writing... ;) ~ Blessings! :)