Gender, Sex and All That

My lack of girly came up again this morning. I thought it would be interesting to go over the different bits of that.

Clothing: As I've pointed out before, in current society/fashion, women are allowed to cross-dress. I think this actually began a bit with wartime necessity, girls rolled up their sleeves..... or even donned overalls. Women's uniforms and work clothes were still different but much closer to men's. The bicycle was instrumental in allowing us to wear pants, did you know that? But fashion after WWII really picked up the pace there. By the sixties girls in jeans was normal. I was born in 1962 and my mother, who was a tomboy and a trousers-preferring kinda gal herself, dressed me very boyishly. She believed it was practical. Photos of me at all ages demonstrate my preference for "tomboy" clothing. And of course nothing has changed. I'm more interested in being able to move freely than "style". Add to that my HATE of synthetic fabric, and you can see that typical "ladies clothing" doesn't really have much going for it, for me.

Habits: This is where it looks funny, frankly. I actually do more "female crafts" than the average girly girl. I knit, crochet, sew etc. So what does this really mean? Are they female pursuits or aren't they? I'm just as happy doing woodwork or cleaning out a barn. Dirty outdoor jobs don't bother me, although I confess to letting my sons do the bulk of the farmwork these days. But once they've all left home, it'll be again and that's fine. I don't read chick lit/watch click flicks. I don't like the run of the mill romance. I don't buy women's magazines. I'm not interested in girly conversation. Women dither too much, that's the problem. I can't abide dithering.

Men: People assume that tomboys are closet lesbians, or at least bisexual. Oddly enough, I've never even had a crush on a girl. I'm actually more heterosexual than average. This rather messes with the whole thing. I like my men very manly too. What's even more of a contradiction is this...have you noticed that the type of women who are anti-gay are usually very stereotypically feminine, and have weak men? I'm very, no, not just very,.......... fiercely supportive of my LGBT friends. Something to think about there. I think it's also fair to say I've been a good wife.

Fertility: No secret. 6 babies, and only one was actually planned. And she happened faster than expected. So while my brain may be lacking female hormones, my ovaries aren't.

PMS: None. Zero. Go figure.

Ability: Even some scientists now believe in the right-brain, left-brain phenomenon. If you look quickly at me, because I'm creative you assume the right brain dominates.Then when you listen to my brand of logic you think there's a left-brain thing going on. Well, I've done several tests and apparently mine is balanced, almost 50-50. So maybe that explains everything.

Attitude: I think this is the most interesting area, but maybe it says more about stereotypes than it does about me. I've been called Spock, but I am not cold. I can cry at sad movies. I admit I tend to be less sentimental than average, but that's personality type. There is this idea that men are rational and women are emotional, I think that's just judgemental. I think wisdom is the ability to combine rationality with compassion, so that emotions don't cloud your judgement, but are there in enough quantity to stop you being a cold-hearted brute. I think people use the word "emotional" wrong anyway. Cruel people often display hate in large quantities. Are love and hate emotions? You choose, but you can't have it one way and not the other.

When people read my stuff online at first, if my name isn't attached to it, I am often mistaken for a man. Why? Again, you choose, but the assumption that just because something is clearly written, fair and balanced, unemotional etc, it must be written by a man, is simply latent misogyny. Stereotypes again. And I'll be damned if it isn't often women making that mistake, so look what damage that stereotype has done.

In a nutshell women are not from Venus, and men are not from Mars. We are all just who we are.