Sunday, 26 May 2013


This blog is not about golf.

Before I start to sound like a Magritte painting, let me explain. There are many times that what we talk about isn't what we are talking about (q.v. pragmatics). It is symbolic. In this instance golf is a placemarker for just about anything humans do for reasons other than income. So this excludes professional golf, obviously. But it includes all avocations, hobbies, passions, pastimes, interests, studies, preferences, diversions, leisure activities, and obsessions.

I chose golf because I don't think I have any ardent golfers among my readers. If I do, you'll have to forgive me for singling out your pursuit, and do try not to take it personally, read the first line again if necessary.

So, about golf. I don't play golf. I have never played golf, and I don't want to play golf. There are those who would say "you should try it", but after I've fetched them one round the back of the ear for shoulding* me, I would remind them that the maximum human lifespan is 120 years, and you can only fit in so much. My schedule does not have space for golf.

I have nothing personally against golf. I don't see it as harmful, even if some of the necessary aspects of providing for it does do some harm (requiring lots of water, even in droughts and deserts, plus incredible level of chemicals, all to keep that grass artificially pristine). There are worse things you could do. I don't see golfers themselves as bad people, even if they wear funny trousers. No, on the whole, this is a pretty harmless activity.

Just because it doesn't appeal to me is no good reason to object to it. We all have different ways to amuse ourselves, or to relax. So there's a two-way tolerance here. I won't object to you playing golf, and you, in turn, avoid the temptation to try to get me to join in, fair?

Doesn't work, does it?

If there's one thing we can be sure about with humans, they like to push their own agendas. And there are two groups of people that drive me insane.

1). Those who whine and bitch about golfers and golfing, even though it doesn't affect them in any way at all. They tease or actively criticize golfers, and they can be nasty about it. They can't mind their own business, they can't shut up, they can't leave it alone. These people are poster boys for petty intolerance, look like idiots, and are part of most of the problems in the world. They just can't live and let live. A pox on all of them.

2) Fuckin' golfers. Going on and on and on and on and on and on about golf. Boring the rest of us silly with jokes, jargon words, especially stupid abbreviations, and "in" terms, which mean nothing outside their fellow golfers, but they can't stop themselves spewing all over the outside world, even if we don't know what they are talking about. I mentioned earlier..trying to recruit more golfers. Like some cult.

Opposite agendas. Equally annoying.

I have this RADICAL suggestion. Do what you enjoy, don't do what you don't enjoy, and shut up and leave others alone.

Thank you for listening.



  1. I agree. I am very happy for people when they find a passion. I think everyone should be passionate about something. And I am willing to listen to anything anyone wants to tell me about their passion. And it will be interesting to me because I might actually learn something. But do not attempt to drag me into your passion because by this age, I pretty much know what and where I wish to dedicate my energy.

  2. Tried it, don't like it - end of story. Dave loves it, the boys enjoy it, have a golf pro in the family. Uncles, cousins all love golf but don't wax on and on about it. (Thank heavens!)

    Hockey - love it. Don't memorize stats and such; just love it. Same with football - its a sport I love to watch because age makes playing just an exercise in pain.

    Reading, computers - love 'em. Hobbies? Need a new one; I enjoyed ceramics... Good one Melanie! Might go back to ceramics. Hmmm.