Friday, 16 May 2014


It's Friday and I don't even have time to write this, but I'm in a funny mood. (Yes, you say, so what's new?)

We have elections coming up later this year here in Ontario, and I don't get to play. As I'm not a Canadian citizen, I have no vote. I don't have a vote anywhere actually, because I've been an ex-pat too long to be allowed to vote in Britain. But that doesn't mean I have no opinion. I will happily meddle in ANYONE'S politics. This however, is nothing to do with politics. Tim Hudak is just so UGLY. He's so ugly, I am not putting a picture up here, because I don't want to look at him.

Good grief Melanie, how shallow can you get? It may be shallow, but it's honest. There it is. What an ugly man. I'm sure he doesn't care what I think, and I'm sure plenty of people will disagree with me, but that's OK.

A bit of honesty, when it's harmless, is a good thing. Lots of things are ugly. That dress I told you about earlier in the week. There are a LOT of ugly items of clothing around right now. I think the fashion designers are running out of ideas and they've started doing things at random. People are such sheep that if it's got a designer name on it, they'll buy it anyway.

Several trends are particularly ugly. Bow ties, for example. The only person who can pull off a bow tie is James Bond. Most men look silly even in a really good dinner suit and bow tie, and would be better off going cravat or Nehru, frankly, if they want to be posh. But away from the dinner suit? All bow ties look ridiculous. No exceptions. Doesn't matter what colour, pattern, or style. It's an ugly piece of decoration.

Bows should be restricted to the hair on little girls. But while we're on that topic, I see they are "in" for the hair on adults, especially the "rockabilly" style. Now there's an ugly hairstyle if ever I saw one. I'm not big on "updos" of any sort, but a few girls with certain shaped hairlines/foreheads can pull them off. What never, ever looks good is that stupid rockabilly style, and what's even worse is the mullet version of it. Ugly hair on otherwise perfectly ordinary looking women, I don't know what goes through their heads.

Don't stop me now by calling me judgemental, or saying you are surprised or disappointed - I'm on a roll.

Somebody has to ban wedge heels on shoes before they make a serious comeback. They make you look like you have bricks on your feet. The latest chunky wide heels aren't much better. If you can't walk in heels, adding scaffolding is NOT the answer. Wear flat shoes, then you won't walk funny. It doesn't matter if you are the most beautiful woman on Earth if you walk like a ruptured chicken in heels. There's also nothing attractive about grazed knees and broken ankles. Buy some hippy sandals. Who cares if you're short? At least you're upright, AND you can run. Why women want to hobble themselves, I will never understand.

And men? You are not off the hook here. Prada designers need to be shot. It's the only solution. These were ugly the first few times around, and bringing them back is just wrong. Enough. Up against the wall with you.

And no, and no.

Don't wear brogues with shorts. EVER. And in fact, if you have chicken legs like that? Don't wear shorts. 

Shall I tell you what else is ugly? I've never understood this one...chainlink fencing around a person's house. Oh, they say, it's economical and it keeps dogs in. Yes, and it makes your home look like a prison. Some of these are really nice houses, with pretty gardens, and then they go and put that round it. Chainlink fencing was invented for practical use, it is NOT decorative, it looks like shit. Why not just use cinder blocks and be done with it? You could put barbed wire along the top for that extra touch of security, and decorate it with unreadable graffiti to complete the look.

And talking of ugly things to put next to your house, you could buy a PT Cruiser.

If I haven't annoyed everyone yet, can I just point out that Matt Smith looks like Frankenstein's Monster, and Benedict Cumberbatch looks like Kif Kroker. Two of the ugliest actors out there. 

Jolly good.


  1. Oh come on Melanie, tell us how you REALLY feel! *ROFL*

  2. "There are a LOT of ugly items of clothing around right now. I think the fashion designers are running out of ideas and they've started doing things at random."

    Osbert Lancaster on baroque architecture:
    It was as though an ingenious small boy was bent on discovering how many different buildings he could put up with the same box of bricks. Half-way through the seventeenth century, however, it appeared as though every possible combination had been exhausted, whereupon the small boy, not in the least deterred, proceeded to use his bricks as counters in a dazzling display of juggling.