Sunday, 8 June 2014


First I'd like to show you this:

And then I'd like to point something out. People are never all good or all bad.

I've often talked about toxic people, those who it's best to remove from your life. But there's a level below that, of people who are not really bad, just thoughtless and when this thoughtlessness gets repeated, they are annoying. Sure, you can be compassionate - there may be a good reason they are like that. Love them anyway. Just be aware of who they really are, because they are sure to demonstrate it.

Just lately I've run into several people whose behaviour would fall under this category. And they also fit neatly into sub-categories. Stereotypes really. But accurate ones. Here are ten types who show you who they really are loud and clear. Learn fast and save yourself a lot of bother.

1. Emily Empathy. She is such a wonderful caring person, oh yes. She can't bear to see anyone being disrespected, even if they are not aware of it. In fact she is so committed to preventing judgemental remarks, that she spends all her time looking for them and calling out anyone she thinks is doing it. Maybe she's sincere, OR maybe, just maybe, she's an interfering busybody who should just shut up and let adults speak their minds occasionally and fight their own battles. It doesn't help that her tone brings to mind Dana Carvey's Church Lady, you can picture the pinched mouth as she shows her disapproval.

2. Jack Smug, aka "I'm alright Jack". Whatever the situation in question, it's never happened to Jack. Therefore it doesn't matter. We are also given to understand that the reason it's never happened to Jack is due to Jack's wisdom/personality/skill/sheer awesomeness. Luck never comes into it. And by extrapolation, there is an idea left hanging in the air that anyone it did happen to must have brought it upon themselves. After a few of these we find ourselves wishing many, many itchy rashes to befall Jack.

3. Cynthia Snotfair. Bad luck and people's spitefulness haunt Cynthia day and night. Nothing ever goes right for her. The Universe is out to get her and - it's not fair! The idea that her own behaviour and choices affect her life experience is completely alien to her, and the closest she gets to a positive attitude is her blood group. Every success in her life is looked upon with suspicion, because it makes it hard for her to whine. So she'll usually find something to complain about.

4. Oliver the Offended. Because it's all about Oliver. No matter the topic, no matter who recounts what, it's blatantly obvious that everyone only ever means Oliver. Well, it is to Oliver, anyway. Consequently any hint of criticism was obviously intended for Oliver, and now he's just appalled that yet again, as happens so often, people are talking about Oliver. Everyone is so mean to Oliver. All the time.

5. Edna Echo. Edna has lot of opinions. In fact, she collects them. She finds them everywhere she goes, adopts them, and then regurgitates them the moment somebody offers an opinion contrary to one from her collection. We can't really call them her opinions, because she's never had an original thought in her life, but she'll stand behind them just the same! The problem is, as they were acquired rather than developed, if the debate gets too hot, she gets lost. But that's OK, because Edna ALWAYS has the final word - "I'm entitled to my opinion!"

6. St Edith Echo. Edna's very religious cousin. Edith doesn't collect opinons, she collects beliefs. And boy oh boy, does she love to share them. Every chance she gets. She starts arguments regularly by making unsolicited pronouncements of her beliefs, and she has the same lack of debating skills as Edna, but she has a far more powerful argument ender: "People should respect my beliefs!" When nobody does, she dons her martyr face.

7. Ted Turncoat. Ted used to be a staunch member of political group/religion/agenda A who spat venom at political group/religion/agenda B, but now it's the other way around. Furthermore nobody is ever allowed to mention this, or even remember how cruel his attitude was before he changed his mind. The fact that everyone has noticed that the only thing that changed was the target, and that his attitude is still just as nasty never seems to enter his head. In his little fantasy world that was some other Ted, and the new one is obviously the genuine one. If you have the courage to call him out on this, don't be surprised if you become the new target. Any target will do.

8. Wilma Whatever. Loves to start arguments, cause problems, and bring about a "situation", but can never see them through. Blames others for picking on her but won't even explain that when pushed. Nobody really knows why Wilma gets herself into these things because she obviously doesn't enjoy them, but she's never heard of an apology. Her trademark is a shrug or a sigh because, you know, it wasn't her fault in the first place.

9. Ronnie Rumour. Ronnie would never tell you a lie. He has it on the best authority, and even though he will set out by telling you he shouldn't tell you, he's eager to tell you. And why shouldn't you believe him? After all, he believes everything HE is told. Especially if "some guy" told him. That is always a good source. But if you're still not convinced, just look it up on the internet. Everything is totally reliable there.

10. Elaine Expert. You're doing it all wrong. Elaine knows how to do it, she's an expert. Not only that, any other experts are wrong too. Only Elaine knows exactly how it's done. Oddly enough though, she hasn't managed to become rich and/or famous despite this level of expertise, in fact that area of her life is a complete mess. I guess she's too busy dispensing advice to follow it herself. What a gal.


  1. Cute. Did I miss something or does Penelope Poorme fit one of your characters? This woman lives in a perpetual state of crisis and drama. It's a wonder the wheel of Fate hasn't ground her to dust by now. And of course, none of it is the result of any of the poor choices Penelope has made over the years. Somebody is always fracking her over. And could ye lend me a fiver, Gov? Till Tuesday.

  2. How about Lily La-la, who makes a habit of pushing into serious discussions and begin rhapsodising about her grandchildren or her cat?

  3. Delightful. Thank goodness I don't know one of those. Oh, PS my previous comment - this is someone who is capable of working if she wanted extra earning, but she prefers to play gold digger. Now, nothing wrong with not working, but if you complain a lot about $$ and are otherwise healthy (no disabilities) you can't have it both ways.