Monday, 15 December 2014

You're From Earth, So Act Accordingly

This is doing the rounds.

http://en.what-character-are-you.com/d/en/755/index/3979.html

Dozens of women are getting "100% like a man" and many more are getting high percentages in the opposite to their actual gender and wondering what that's all about.

Well, it's not a very good quiz, actually. It's based on stereotypes. Men do this. Women do this. What utter bollocks.

I am one of those people who does not believe that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. Certainly hormones and socially assigned gender roles do affect us, but there are so many examples of people who don't follow these rules, despite all influences, that the rules just don't apply.

They never did. This is not some modern thing. People have always been people. The only reason we are even talking about this now is that today western women are allowed to work outside the home, they don't have to raise their own children (or even have any) if they don't want to, and men are getting more leeway too.

Because society has changed we are all getting more chance to be ourselves, based in individuality and not genitals.

We have four dogs in the house, and there is a hierarchy. Well, they think they've got it figured out anyway. Bowser thinks he's top dog, being biggest. But I've often doubted that. This morning he didn't finish his breakfast, and Molly, our OES cross, and only female, decided she'd have it. It was free for the taking, in her view. Bowser noticed this and barked at her. She ignored him. He growled at her. She ignored him. He nipped at her. She had him upside down so fast she deserves a black belt. He is EASILY four times her size, he's a big, solid dog, part mastiff, and there's rottie in there too. But she flipped him. He is currently sulking in the other room, and she's finishing her meal.

The female of the species is often surprisingly vicious considering her smaller size and lesser strength, but she doesn't take prisoners. Nobody has ever told Molly that she is "only" a girl, you see.

Increasingly, in modern man, we are hearing some sanity. They don't strut their stuff quite so much. They treat women as equals not just because it's politically correct to do so, but because we've bared our teeth. We dared to be human too. Wow. But it's good. It's not simply a question of conflict being resolved better (although that is happening too) but of the mutual respect that the modern way contributes to leading to less conflict in the first place. All good, all good.

Still, this idea persists that women are complex. Difficult to understand. Mysterious. Possibly inscrutable. Some are, certainly, in the same way some are quieter than others, or taller than others, but I don't think it's an innate trait. I think it's often misunderstood. Some of us are actually very straightforward indeed, possibly TOO straightforward, and it confuses men.

So, while I don't think complexity, or lack of it, is a female trait, or a male trait or whatever, just a personality quirk, I am addressing this post TO women because they are pissing me off.

Ladies we don't need this rubbish.

I noticed a long time ago, probably when I was in my early teens, that some girls were difficult to deal with. They had mood swings. They played "games". Their feelings were easily hurt, and if you said the wrong thing their reaction was swift and horrible. This, presumably is what men complain about, and I don't blame them.

I think this was learned behaviour, from their mothers. It has been said that, in turn, this weird behaviour is a result of bad behaviour by men, well, maybe but it becomes a chicken and egg thing, bordering on vendetta, and it will continue forever if nobody calls a halt to it.

I'm calling a halt to it, sisters. Right here, right now.

I'm not disputing that some men behave badly. But if you want something done about that, don't sit and wait, do it yourself. Stop with the needy, over-emotional, over-reaction. Stop with the games. Stop with the passive aggressive. Say what you mean, and mean what you say.

We have fought long and hard for equality, and we still have a way to go. Don't mess it up by behaving like a spoiled princess. (Fathers, I blame YOU for some of that, and mothers aren't off the hook either). Well, this isn't your Daddy, so grow up. This is your boyfriend/partner/husband and you are no longer a child. You are equals. You are of equal value and equal intellect. Behave accordingly.

A man is not something to be conquered or trained. He's a human being with his own ideas and needs, and you have to find compromises. BUT, if you pick up a bad one, drop him again quick, like a hot coal. Forget that one, find a better one. You cannot turn a bad man into a good man. Let him be somebody else's problem.

Let's not pretend there aren't still men that think they are superior to women. Not just in the older generation either. They whine about emasculation of men (means "we're not getting it all our own way any more") and some go even further, forming groups protesting against feminism and advocating rape as "punishment". These are not normal men, and don't represent them. They are deeply damaged men, possibly dangerous, and we can't ignore them. But in general the common or garden old-fashioned patriarchal type is just a pain in the arse, not an actual abuser.

Let's not also pretend that there aren't rabidly fanatical women who hate men and will happily accuse them of anything. These do not represent women either, and they are not even representative of feminists as is often claimed. These are women with a grudge, possibly justified, possibly not, but again, they are a minority, and not relevant to today's discussion.

All of that is extremist stuff for another day.

Today, I want you girls to behave like the equals you want and deserve to be treated as.

So.

If you have a problem, say so. Speak your mind. Clearly, and without emotional words. Sometimes emotions show, that can't be helped. But you can choose your words. There is no need for insults, threats, accusations, or dragging up old shit. If the problem is that he never helps with dinner, when you both work the same hours, then tell him "I need you to help me with dinner, please." Simple as that. He is not psychic, and if you've let him off thus far, how is he supposed to know what you want him to do? If you wait for him to offer, and he doesn't, then you'll be doing it on your own, won't you? Yes, of course it would be better if he offered, no question, but if you want things to get done, for pity's sake ASK. Don't sulk or sigh. Speak.

Will he remember the next night? Maybe not. You may have to ask again. It takes a while for behaviours to become habitual, that's just how humans are. Do you snap to it and do exactly as he asks all the time? I doubt it and I hope not - you see this isn't about giving out orders, or obeying orders, in either direction. It's about co-operating with somebody you love. Remember, you love him? You do, don't you?

What if he grumbles, does half a job, or actually refuses?

Then you two need to sit down and talk in greater depth. Communicate, please, for everyone's sake.



BE YOURSELF

Not what your mother, the movies, Mills & Boon/Harlequin, Cosmo, or 50 Shades of Abuse told you to be. When you speak your mind, make sure it is YOUR mind. If you don't know what you want from a man, from life, from your career, from the waiter, figure that out first. If you need to "find yourself" could you get on that please? Don't take too long.

There are no rules other than ethics and good manners. It is not written in stone anywhere that you have to do or be anything just because you were born a girl. Be a good human. Be real.

Here's a far better quiz:

http://www.allthetests.com/quiz31/quiz/1397711480/Are-you-Evil-or-Pure-Good

7 comments:

  1. I think more worrying than any of that, are the people who take these Facebook quizzes seriously. Surely everyone realises that they're written by 14 year olds?

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  2. You could repeat Rule 3551 every day for the rest of your life and it would not be too often. I'm convinced that listening to reply is at the root of most relationship breakdowns and listening to understand is as rare as hen's teeth.

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  3. Amusingly I am still breaking Tim of some of this. I have an Amazon Wish list. It is comprised of stuff I want to own. There is no need to psychically discern what I want for Birthdays or Xmas. And yet Tim twists himself inside out trying to come up with something that would just blow my socks off that isn't on the list. I blame his first wife and his mother. The first wife was Bi-Polar (undiagnosed) and thus no meds also aggressive and abusive and thought he should psychically know everything she wanted. His mother has spent decades with the wrong man wishing he were the right one and telling Tim about it. I am "plain spoken." I mean what I say and say what I mean. It boggles him that I am not more complicated. I watched my mother and her sisters, horrible warnings that they all were. I realized that the only one of them who was happy was the one who was plain spoken, up front and not shy to ask for what she wanted or tell people what she did not. I decided that if I wanted to be happy the games and bullshit route was not the way to go.

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  4. Yes yes YES!!! I want to print this and hand it out as flyers to so many women I know! May I share this on Facebook?

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  5. I've always wondered just how those people go about making their quizzes. They seem to vary between stupid, moronic, imbecilic and idiotic.

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  6. Hmmm..."Be Yourself" versus "Image is Everything"? Which to choose....? LOL You can be sure I am myself...and maybe that is difficult for others to live with when it comes to compromise, but SOMEbody has to do it. Lately, getting others on the same page hasn't been quite so problematic. Of course, the listening skills have to be there on the other end. If all they hear is the "wah" noise like the adults make in the Peanuts cartoons, then there's not much I can do. I hear there are hearing specialists that can help clarify things. ;) ~ Blessings! :)

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