Monday, 19 October 2015

Sex For Women.

Among all the nonsense about women, and covering them up, and so on, is the tacit idea that women aren't supposed to enjoy sex.

Well, bollocks to that.

We do.

If the woman is your life doesn't, that's your problem, OK? Do it better.

I have been married 35 years and I have no complaints. 

But apparently we have two choices. Either we have to be willing to do it on demand, or not at all. Really?

If you look at ALL of the nonsense spouted by all of those with a vested interest in women's sexuality (except, you know, the women concerned) those are the options.

Rape within marriage has only recently become a crime. It's still awfully hard to prove.

Is is still impossible in some places for a prostitute to get authorities to take her rape clams seriously, even if she is off duty, and the rapist is actually unaware of her profession.

We are not supposed to just have sex when we want to. All or nothing.

Now, why is this?

Well, on the sexual freedom side, I've heard some interesting theories, including some from well-meaning women. One is that a woman has more to lose than a man, be it her virginity or her reputation. PLUS, the risk of pregnancy.

There is certainly some truth in this. Thanks to tradition and the associated brainwashing by the patriarchy (yes, strong words) there is still this idea that it's OK for a man to "sow his wild oats", you know. To be a bit of a lad. Nudge nudge. Ha ha. While the woman who does the exact same thing is "sleeping around", which is not seen as a good thing.

No matter how much this is known in the modern world we still hear it all the time. It's OK for a man to behave like that, but not a woman.

I've even seen theories than this is a libido thing, men naturally have this insatiable appetite for sex, women don't. And if they do, well....that's DISGUSTING. You've heard it.

And so, she is less promiscuous, or even chaste, to avoid getting a reputation of not being chaste. That is to say the reasoning behind being chaste, is to avoid being thought of as not chaste. Because not chaste is bad,'s not chaste. Help me get out of this loop of circular reasoning please?

Oh, yes, that's right, because if she's not chaste then obviously she MUST be the opposite, which means she's openly offering it to anyone, all the time, no exceptions. She's gagging for it. She's a whore. There are only these two possible states of mind. The nun and the whore. There couldn't possibly be anything else, like maybe, a person who enjoys sex on her schedule?

That is how society works, still. There are a lot of people who see the complete absurdity here but not enough, and until we get past this we are always going to have problems.


Her virginity/reputation is valuable because other people decide it is.

Pregancy can usually be avoided. Contraception these days is fairly good, but it's not perfect. Still, there is abortion available when things go wrong. Some people are anti-abortion, but some of them can be persuaded that a really early abortion is OK, such as the morning-after pill. So women have that option in many places.

Unfortunately there are a certain number of people, mostly men, but not all, who oppose BOTH abortion (however early) AND contraception, of any kind. They have decided that sex is only for making babies. Even the less extreme ones preach abstinence.

Well, for women that is. Many, many of the men who feel this way have no problem being promiscuous themselves. It's a classic double-standard, nothing new, nothing surprising, but it remains. They are effectively opposed to women enjoying sex, because that's what it amounts to. If a woman is only able to have sex knowing that a risk of pregnancy is always going to be part of the deal, that takes away her options, her freedom.

The thinking behind this in many cultures and individuals is that it keeps her at home, out of the job market, out of the decision making processes, out of the way.

But there's something else.

There's fear. Remember? Fear of the power of women? If you let them have sex without risk, if they stop worrying about chastity, if in fact they start behaving like men, they might take over!

Good grief. What a thought.

I'm not for that. I don't want anybody taking over. I like democracy, a power balance, a variety of ideas. I like having everyone involved in decision making, not just one gender or one ideaology.

I'm into freedom. I fail to see why I need to be chaste to be respected. But because I'm married, it's OK. The only time busybodies ever mentioned my sex life was when I had my second child quickly after the first ("Haven't found out what's causing it yet,, eh? HA HA HA HA") or when they found out I had 6 children ("Can't leave him alone, eh? HA HA HA HA"). No, really I haven't had to explain myself too much. I was even married three whole years before having a child. Yay me.

But no.

It's OK.......

I'm just making this all up.


  1. The right-minded part of me is advising, "just leave this one alone, leave it alone," while the more pedestrian side of me wants to know what part of the cemetery they dig up these spokespeople...must I share their air, really? :P *shudders*

  2. I had a girlfriend once who felt horribly guilty about the fact that she enjoyed and wanted sex. She said it made her feel guilty though when we were actually having sex she was, you know, passionate and multi orgasmic.

    In her case she was the victim of child abuse, though, and her (multiple) rapist had informed her that he was raping her because she was a whore and had asked for it. And then she'd been trapped in a loveless marriage in the course of which, in 22 years, she had had a grand total of three orgasms. I'd imagined she was one of those unfortunate ladies who are inorgasmic until the first time we slept together, and then discovered that she'd imply never been with anyone before who gave a damn for her pleasure.

    Unfortunately, for the seven years of our relationship, she never stopped feeling guilty. And when she dumped me, she promised "not to ever enjoy sex with anyone else."

    Like that was supposed to make me happy.