Sunday, 3 February 2013


I have been asked, quite pointedly actually, why I haven't blogged as much in my old way, i.e. I haven't blogged as much or as deeply since coming to Blogger. I've told you I'm pretty busy right now, but that isn't really it. There have been plenty of ideas come to mind.

No, the problem is, since changing to a fully open blog, one that I advertise on Facebook and that every single person I know has access to I find I'm constrained by tact.

Some of you will remember blogs in previous locations that discussed matters which arose elsewhere, and although I don't name names, and I'm fully aware that small minds talk about people and all that jazz, if you were the person that inspired that general topic, you might not take it too well.

It becomes almost impossible, in fact, to discuss, generally, an issue which somebody specific is dealing with right now, because of how it looks. I'll invent a fictitious example to show you what I mean.

Let's say that Alice Peabody, an old friend from way back, and I chat occasionally on Facebook. We aren't as tight as we once were, but I still like her and, in general,  respect her. Alice's marriage is falling to bits, but although she doesn't say why, it's plain to anyone following her stuff, that it's her own damn fault. She's been too demanding of the man.

One of the things I've noticed about some women is how they make conflicting demands. On the one hand they demand money. They expect their partner to provide for them, not just for the necessities of life, but for every whim. These women are gold-diggers, and rather high maintenance. I've never been like that so I tend to judge them rather harshly. But, if the guy is daft enough to allow this, it's none of my damn business.

However, some of these women, demand a second thing. Time. They want him home promptly at 6pm, and never to work weekends, because it affects their social life. If he spends too much time working, he gets it. She nags him.

So, she wants him to earn money, but she doesn't want him working. You see the problem. It is utterly ridiculous, and yet I've seen this more times than I can count.

If what I had just written actually applied to someone to who read this blog, it would be extremely tactless of me to mention it. Even if I thought Alice was unlikely to read it, by advertising its existence on Facebook, there is a chance. At the very least, it's like I'm talking about her behind her back, but she could go a step further and accuse me of lecturing her. I can change her name, and other details, or cover the matter in the broadest possible way, but she'd still see it aimed at her. (Unless of course she was so dense that she was in some sort of denial).

I just can't bring myself to do it. But this is often where my inspiration comes from, the lives and comments of other people.

I like to put a positive spin on things. I believe very much in positive thinking, but I'm also a realist. Sometimes we actually do have to discuss things that aren't positive. ARGH.

Anyway. There we are. Melanie trying to be tactful, and as usual, it ends up gagging me.


  1. TABERNAC!!! I wrote 2 responses and they both disappeared. Apparently, I don't own my Wordpress ID. One more time before I give up; if said Ms. Peabody believe a blog to be concerned with her behaviours or foibles, on a planet with 7 billion people, with 7 billion lives, personalities, faults and virtues? I would ask her to look up the word narcissist and get back to me.

    1. Oh I know, and if it were me reading it and thinking "I wonder if this is about me", I would quickly reprimand myself in exactly that way. But that's how these things are, it's one thing to know better and choose not to fall in that trap oneself, it's another matter to expect others to be so........aware. Anyway. For the sake of everyone, I will save my thoughts for another time.

  2. Authors, even us amateur ones, are always aware of the impact of our words. And it is with some justification, because we draw from those around us. Disguising the character becomes an art form, especially when the character is not so noble. Our friends and family are frequently our inspiration, and just as often our worse muse killers. I cannot separate my writing from me, and that is why I had to stop writing when I was in so much personal pain.
    Journaling is a bit more personal than a blog or vignette, and we do have to be careful with our words.

  3. I would rather have my husband working, it is better in general for him to be working, money, his mood, we appreciate our time together more.

    He has always worked inconvenient hours for dinner. We adjust and it is ridiculous to get bent over something like that. IMO the woman should get her own job and make her own money..problem solved.

  4. I prefer not to be "careful" with my words; we all have the option not to read what is in front of us, not to watch something that offends us. With that said, there are legal and moral borders that should never be crossed; innuendo, gossip and outright falsehoods are not writing per se but rather evil perpetrated though a keyboard. The internet allows for a dangerous sort of anonymity and can be used as fuel for those who would like to see the 'net censored.

    1. Whoops..."THROUGH a keyboard" - nails have grown and keyboard errors are becoming common...that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

  5. Interesting for I do the same thing without seeming to have noticed it....

    The problem I see is I learn best when all is said. In fact to hold back to me feels dishonest, Yet it is better for me to not get all I could if it avoids needless harming to another.

  6. I read what you say about being tactful and responsible, and my first urge is to say, "Don't let it stop you."

    IF someone were to find relevance with something I've written, then, in their perception, I have moved from the label of "fellow observer" to "instructor." I do not write to instruct--wish, maybe, but not instruct. Unless someone is really seeking to learn a lesson, I find I cannot restrict the retelling of my observations with that possibility running in the back of my head.

    I make the mindful choice (or maybe tap the collective conscious connection) to present particular phrases at certain intersections of time and space where those words can sync with others. How that meeting goes can take any number of paths. My ultimate hope is that the writing I do leads toward understanding and inclusion.

    On the other hand, if words I write lead toward MISunderstanding that is a sign of possible exclusion. Whether that is because of my writing (which means I am responsible for it) or the person's perception (their responsibility), it all is what it is.

    You are an extremely skilled writer. I think you have it in you to get your point across, tactfully and responsibly, in a way where your observations and feelings can be received well. We cannot presume to know how they will be received. That is the choice of the receiver. ~ Blessings!

  7. The way I see it, you have 3 options. You can change the privacy settings on your blog and then you don't have to hold your tongue, you can blog what you want and then tell those who get offended to put on their big girl panties and grow up, or you can hold your tongue, keep it inside til it blows up and offends everyone..*LOL*

    Personally, I'd pick option 2 if I was as eloquent as you.

  8. As everyone pretty much said the same thing, I'll answer it all in one go:)

    1. I think timing is critical. In a month's time I can easily discuss things that cropped up today.

    2. I really don't have much anger in me.

    3. I think omission is different to dishonesty.

    4. This is my aim:

    Is it True
    Is it Helpful
    Does it Inspire confidence
    Is it Necessary
    Is it Kind

  9. Oh please, don't YOU start getting careful on us now! I always enjoy your acerbic wit. Just thinly disguise other people for the sake of their privacy. If they feel personally attacked anyway, their problem. Some people need a de-sensitivity course. As for the fictional Alice Peabody, I have known women like that and they drive me nuts. They give feminism a bad name too.

  10. Just wanted to let you know I still read. I have this blog on my favorites bar now.